Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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