so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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