Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
