I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
