I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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