your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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