The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
