i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
