If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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