chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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