I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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