Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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