i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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