I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
