I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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