Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
