Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
