that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
