Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
