Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
