its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
