Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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