Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
