I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
