I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
