I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
