dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
