oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say š
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
