she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
