I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
