Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
