Me. At least after what I've been through.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i've created a new STD.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
