Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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