If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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