We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
