fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
