You made me cry and you don't even care
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Randomize
