i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
