i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
