Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
