what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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