So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
