my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
operation harelip BJ is a go
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
