I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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