At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
