hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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