just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I woke up under a house in Key West
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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