he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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