You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
