I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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