So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
