Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
