so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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