Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
