booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
