I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
